Frequency with Michael Edwards

05. Somatic Awakening & Embracing the In-between w/Caity Medrek

• Michael Edwards • Season 1 • Episode 5

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When Caity walked into her first hypnotherapy session, little did she know it would mark the beginning of an incredible journey towards self-discovery and profound healing. This week, we sit down with Katie, an inspiring actress and entrepreneur, to traverse the twists and turns of her extraordinary path. From the emotional catharsis of somatic release to the life-altering effects of physical re-embodiment, Katie shares the pivotal experiences that reshaped her life and led to the manifestation and co-creation of her truest self.

Connect with Caity:
https://www.instagram.com/caitymed

Special Invitation: Sign up for my complimentary lunar meditations and make powerful energetic shifts as you align more deeply with your intentions.
https://pages.michaeledwardslive.com/lunar

Find out more about working with Michael and connect here:
https://bio.michaeledwards.live/


Speaker 1:

Hello and welcome back to the Michael Edwards show. I am here with a very special guest, my beautiful friend and past client, katie. Katie and I met when this beautiful friend of mine offered to film a session and there was this conversation about we have to find the perfect person. It has to be the perfect person. And she said I have this friend named Katie and I think this is it. And so Katie met me, with very little context and on camera. She had a two-hour hypnotherapy session, while we just went super deep and we went for real, for real, for real. There were lots of tears, lots of emotions, lots of shitting. I remember her opening her eyes and being like I don't even know what just happened, but it was the most beautiful experience and we've stayed in contact. Katie is an incredible performer, she's an actress, she's an entrepreneur and she's just a beautiful human being, and I am so excited to share this conversation with you today, katie.

Speaker 2:

Hey, thank you for having me. I'm so grateful and your past episodes have already inspired me, so I hope that, yeah, I can inspire one person today, or just spend this time chatting with a really incredible human being.

Speaker 1:

And so you've been on an incredible healing journey yourself, would you agree?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I would say it started kind of around the time we met and has only flourished and blossomed since then.

Speaker 1:

Amazing. Tell us more about that.

Speaker 2:

Okay, you know this is a very interesting time for us to be talking because I haven't really sat down and you know, outside of processing this on my own and sitting down with my therapist and my naturopath, I have recently gone through what I would say is like a self-appointed somatic release of all of my traumas.

Speaker 2:

Now, before I like get into talking about what that experience was, I didn't even realize that was a possibility in my path, let alone anybody else's out there.

Speaker 2:

But you know it starts with like really knowing how to listen to yourself, but honestly taking that first step.

Speaker 2:

And you know, for, let's say, 30 years of my life, around the time I met you, it was a lot of not not hearing myself, knowing how to listen to myself, but not being able to really hear or really process or understand what these thoughts were, how to help myself, how to fix them, fix me, for lack of a better word. And you fell into my life so beautifully and I think the biggest part that I needed to heal first, before I could go in and heal the inside, was really healing the outside, falling in love with myself, the way I looked, the way I showed up in the world, and knowing that I'm worthy, no matter how I look or where I am or who I'm with. So meeting you and going through that first session with you started this journey to get me to where I am now. You allowed me to just really listen to myself and I think that is, you know, such a big, important part in a healing journey.

Speaker 1:

Jared Ranere. Okay, it's amazing that you're talking about this right now, because this is something that I've been reflecting on a lot lately, and not that I think a healing journey is necessarily that linear, but I have seen these pieces of consistency where I feel like you almost have to create a certain sense of safety and stability, like in your life and in yourself, to actually clear out your nervous system, like the things that are truly, like deeply held in your body, and I talk about this a lot because once your nervous system is clear, it changes everything. Like that's when you get access to, like true manifestation and conscious co-creation of your life, because there's no reaction, response thing. But I've been thinking about this a lot. There's almost like yeah, it's almost like a rock. It's like you can't go in and even deal with it until there's like a certain level of okayness, because it's kind of like this water balloon that you're letting pressure out of and it's like you've got to feel it all as it comes out. Julia.

Speaker 2:

Yes, perfect, perfect Melody. Yeah, sometimes, if you let it out too soon, it's a confetti balloon and there's pink confetti all over your kitchen that you have to clean up when the time is right. Man, it's an effortless release. Jared Ranere.

Speaker 1:

Yeah and so okay. So this is super interesting, and so what has been your relationship between this and entrepreneurship?

Speaker 2:

Melody, oh okay. Well, that's a fascinating question. I think my relationship with this and entrepreneurship was leaving the hustle. You know, I sold my business six months ago eight months ago now, but I've been the process of selling it for two years. So during this time obviously there's so many emotions that come with selling a part of you and a business that I grew from the ground up. That was such a big piece of my heart. But now that it's gone, I'm living with the grief and the sadness of not having this hustle. But I am open to now actually being able to get quiet with myself and really listen to myself.

Speaker 2:

And I know so many people were gifted that during the pandemic, but for me the pandemic was the busiest two years of my life. Sorry, not our lives, our lives. My princess is included. For those who don't know. I owned a princess party company for eight years and, with COVID, alberta Health Services blessed us with the ability to continue doing our little driveway performances. For those two years and some days we had six birthday parties in one day and it was, you know, we never had a day off in those two years.

Speaker 2:

So feeling like I had two years off when really now I we have a writer strike that ended, but I haven't been working because of the writer strike. It's been a year since I've been on set. It's now been eight months since I sold my business. Like I have no choice but to sit with myself. And what am I going to do here? And get really, really angry, really upset that I'm not working, there's nobody's working right now. There's nothing I can do except show up for myself every day, continue to put in the work, go to the gym, heal my inside so that when the opportunity does show up I'm ready. But I, yeah, I needed this time, especially knowing you know the somatic release experience that I had. I needed this time to be able to feel safe in my body, feel safe in my relationship, feel safe as an entrepreneur. And yeah, I'm in a weird area now where I'm trying to only consume positive things.

Speaker 2:

You know, I'm taking some time on social media because I have had this somatic release, which I will talk about, I promise. But I have to be gentle with myself. I don't want to re traumatize my body. I don't want to put things back into my mind and my, my soul and my heart that are going to re traumatize me or put me back in a place of holding tension in my body all the times and having chronic pain and neurodivergent symptoms and, yeah, it's so.

Speaker 1:

it's so interesting because I feel like what you're talking about is a lot of what we talked about in episode two with Nicole I can't remember the word that she used, but this, like this cocoon, this season of separation and healing. Someone else was talking about this other day and they called it the chrysalis, and I love that, and I do think that there's this time where, yeah, it's like I don't know if I want to use the word isolation, but kind of isolation, where it's just really this I'm reforming on the inside and I need to not be disturbed by the outside.

Speaker 2:

Totally. And I think you know we imagine that we, you know, go through our 20s and then suddenly we're adults and like we don't. What do we have to heal from? You know, there is a heal from we're still growing, we're still becoming this version of ourselves that we want to be, but ultimately, like there is some stuff worth going back and really getting out of your body and I don't even know how to tell people how to do that it's being and feeling really, really truly safe.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, it's so interesting, like my work has really progressed as well since we worked together, and that is one thing that I just can't emphasize enough is how much emotion and what we're holding onto is a physical, is a physical experience. There's so like organs and your nervous system literally hold experiences from the past that you won't be able to process. And if you think about it in terms of bandwidth, it's like taking up a certain amount of your bandwidth all the time and for a lot of us, without realizing it, it's like we're maxed out all the time. That's why we're having the experience of life that we're having, where it feels just like overwhelming because it's like your nervous system is maxed out on on process things. And one of the reasons I asked you about the entrepreneurship piece is because what I found is when we do this, this clearing out, and suddenly we have all this bandwidth available, kind of, like you said after your session, you're like I have so much mental space, but I'm not like obsessing about critical thoughts about the way.

Speaker 1:

I look this same thing in your nervous system. When your nervous system is clear, you have all of this bandwidth to hold the stresses of life, but not in a negative way, in like a well, if I'm going to have this big company or I'm going to have this big career or I'm going to have this visibility in the public eye, it's going to come with stresses and pressures and where those can feel crippling to a nervous system that's not resourced for it, you can truly hold it and that's one of the things I found in my journey, like beyond healing and into growth. It's like I can hold so much now. So what I want to kind of say to you is, like you in this phase and I realize that you are literally clearing and calibrating your nervous system to be able to hold exponentially more than you've ever imagined in your life and for it to feel good- oh, isn't that exciting.

Speaker 2:

Like I wish every person on the planet could have the opportunity, if they're ready to go through this, to know what it is to feel safe enough for your body to let everything go Like we didn't even know it was possible. And here we are.

Speaker 1:

So what do you think it was for you that made you feel safe enough?

Speaker 2:

Oh wow, OK, long story or short version I don't know what feels. Little bit of.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

I think it started mostly with recognizing how unhappy I was and that nothing was working. You know, I started to feel more comfortable in my body and I, you know, started going to the gym every day, and now I can't live without, you know, a gym or a yoga in my day. But I still wasn't happy. My brain wasn't, you know, getting the workout that I needed. And then you started asking yourself OK, well, I look the best and I feel the best I ever had physically, but I'm still not happy. Where's the joy? I started, you know, cutting out things like cannabis and alcohol and I'm like oh.

Speaker 2:

God. Ok, I'm still not happy. Where is the joy? I don't drink coffee anymore, I only drink decaf, like I really started to make little changes. That again I felt like I should see the reward right away, but I wasn't seeing the reward.

Speaker 2:

So flash forward to last year. My husband and I went on a tropical holiday for our anniversary. We thought was going to be magical and we ended up getting mugged at knife and gun point, which was very traumatizing, as you can imagine. Now we are OK, everyone's OK. But this story really comes into play, especially in present day. So we get back to Vancouver.

Speaker 2:

We're sitting there one day, and the summer prior to that I'd been in a boating accident and tore my ACL and MCL. So I had this spot on my leg, this leg whole. It was chronic pain every day. Nothing I could do would fix this leg. So my husband's there massaging the injury part one day and all of a sudden I got like pins and needles on my entire body, this like rush of heat through my whole body, and I looked at him and I was like I think I'm going to cry and I instantly just let everything out. I cried out this whole injury and I was like I think he fixed my injury. So I went and told a couple of friends and they're like, yeah, sometimes my husband massages me too hard too and I cry and I'm like no, no, no, like it wasn't like that, it wasn't pain, it was like a re-embodiment. I felt peaceful, come back to my body. So figured that was kind of a one off, never going to happen again.

Speaker 2:

We were in Mexico last week and again my poor husband and I just can't seem to enjoy a tropical holiday without our safety being compromised. But safety had also been a conversation that we had been having in terms of our family dynamics, what we both want in a marriage and in a relationship. So safety was in the forefront of my mind. We go on this Mexico holiday, we go on the scuba dive trip and, like it was sketchy, we chose not to dive the next day because we weren't sure we were going to live like Just wasn't great. So again we're just the two of us constantly battling the idea of safety and what it means. So we finally get back, we're on solid ground in Vancouver, feeling good, feeling safe, and we watched this documentary on Netflix about a cult. I was in a cult in high school and a lot of that I hadn't processed. A lot of that I chose to ignore.

Speaker 2:

And we're sitting there watching this documentary and I thought it just be a good time to foam roll as well. So I start foam rolling my hips, which I've never done. Then we get into bed. We're lying there, we're having a little cuddle. He's massaging the spot near my spine and instantly I had a flashback to my childhood. I went oh my God, jordan, I think you just took me back to my childhood. And he made a joke like oh yeah, we're time traveling now. And I was like no, no, no, I think this is like my leg. Instantly I started crying. I was like this is like my leg.

Speaker 2:

And for the next three hours, michael, my entire body shook and shook and shook. For three hours. It started in this arm and it went through this whole arm and with it I processed tons of traumas. I didn't even know I still had to process. Then it started happening to my left arm and I was like oh my God, what is happening? It felt like an orgasm in my body. It's shaking out through this left arm.

Speaker 2:

And again I'm having other memories come up my high school drama teacher, this cult that I was in, this abuse that I took. Suddenly I came into like my chest area and I started grieving. All of the people I've lost in my life that I haven't grieved yet. All these people were coming to my mind and I was able to say like I'm okay, I'm okay, we're okay. It moved into my pelvis and my legs and all of these memories where I didn't feel safe. I was able to rewrite the narrative in that moment, with my beautiful husband holding me, telling me I'm safe. I was there, telling me I was safe, and as it sort of shook through my pelvis and my feet, I had a repressed memory come up. I don't know if I'm ready to talk about that memory specifically yet, but I have no anger. These people that I used to be angry at parental figures, authority figures. I was holding this anger because I didn't know where this anger was coming from. And now I know it took three hours, but this trauma came out and now I know that I can go to a professional or work with someone like yourself or someone who can help me.

Speaker 2:

Now, now that I know and I'm aware of this memory, use it for good. Before I just felt like everything I was doing, earth was happening to me, life was happening to me, not for me. Everything was a personal attack. There was no joy. But now, all of a sudden, that all of this has come out and I know this memory. I can make different choices.

Speaker 2:

But what is crazy about this? Not just having this memory come up? But I have no chronic pain. My knee injury is fully healed.

Speaker 2:

I can point my toes as a dancer, you know, I've always struggled with my toes. Why can't I point them? Why don't I have these same feet that these dancers do? Because all my tension was in my feet. I can breathe. I used to explain or, sorry, I used to explain to people I'd have this wall in my chest and my breath can never quite get over it. Well, for the first time in my life, I can breathe over this wall. My taste is back, my sense of smell is back. I'm no longer like clenching my jaw. My tongue looks healthier, like it is wild, absolutely wild. And my favorite part sorry about this experience was when it was all happening, these reoccurring dreams that I have had as a child. I felt them flow out of me and at one point I was like energetically vomiting. Nothing. I was like what? The a or like the physical motion of it, and these dreams were coming out, and the day after, for the first time, I had dreams that I'd never had before in my life.

Speaker 1:

It's so funny because I'm listening to you say this and it's like five years ago I would have been like whatever blue, but it's like this is what's real, like this is real. This is where you listen to the podcast episodes, so you've been caught up. I talk so much about energetics and frequency and manifestation and spirituality because it's like when you get through all of the crap that keeps you at like this lower level of reality, that's what you just find. It's just this is what is, this is what is and it's so. This is why all of these somatic things that are coming out around trauma are so powerful because it's stored in your body and because, yeah, same for me.

Speaker 1:

I had these digestive things that were just so bad that just went away. My vision got better. I don't have to wear. I still don't have perfect vision, but I don't have to wear Like. I used to be blind at night and I just kind of stopped wearing glasses and contacts as much and I just it doesn't really bother me anymore, whereas I remember when I first got them I was like I need them. There's like there's.

Speaker 1:

My face looks physically different from my husband said that Pre trauma, like I look back at videos but before like doing all the healing, and I'm like you can just, you can just see it in my face Like all the inflammation, yes, yes, and it's like people are always like, oh, I mean, I've always been into skincare, but it's like, it's like my body is like physically so much healthier from clearing all of that.

Speaker 1:

And so when you're talking about this, I'm just like, yeah, and what's incredible is that you, you know you did so much of it and you process so much of it yourself. You know a lot of people have to have to have a lot of help to do that, which is fine, and I mean, in a way, you know, I know you've been really interested in personal development and working on yourself and psychology and mindset, and obviously we work together and you've got a therapist. So all of that also creates that space that I'm talking about in life, where it's like safe enough to release, release all of that pressure, and it can feel like a I don't know.

Speaker 2:

It's kind of a shit storm when it's happening, but it's wild to be present while it was happening, like I was able to acknowledge to Jordan, like this is insane. This is wild, I recognize this, but like we're going through it, like yeah. Oh boy, yeah, that's amazing, and it's. It was, I think, even more spiritual and exciting because I didn't know it was a possibility. It was not like this was the goal I was working towards, totally.

Speaker 1:

Just happen. Totally. And so do you feel like, like, is there a spiritual component coming in? Like, what is there? Do you have a relationship with spirituality?

Speaker 2:

Yes, and no Grip, religious, of course. So I you know. Okay, let's look at it this way. Perhaps you can inspire me.

Speaker 2:

I have been having a hard time recently with the idea of spirit or the universe having authority over me. Every day I wake up, I see my angel numbers. I see, oh, look, one, two, three, four, right now I see my angel numbers, I see my lucky numbers and I find myself getting pulled by the sway these angel numbers have, or that I think spirituality or the universe has. I don't use God, I use the universe. But now I find that perhaps the universe actually isn't serving me and that I need to let go of the idea that there is anything above me having any control, because I focus too much on it.

Speaker 2:

I know, in your first two podcasts as well the first one, so much about manifesting and like I've had to take a break from manifesting because I feel it's two weeks, you know, oh, I've been manifesting the same thing for two weeks now and now I don't have it. I'm really upset. In my case, I've been trying to manifest the same thing, the same career that I want, for 34 years, so I get really frustrated and then I start blaming the universe. Like I've proven myself, I've given up everything I could possibly give up. Have I not shown you that I have done enough? Why do I still not have what I want? So my relationship with spirituality right now, though this experience I had has really proven to me that there is something bigger and beyond out there, but I need to remember that I should be listening to myself above this invisible authority.

Speaker 1:

This is so interesting. You probably heard on Jess's episode. We talk about the mirror and that really everything is the mirror and there's this opportunity to see whatever we see outside of ourselves as a reflection of what's inside of ourselves. So I think what I would look at is if you feel this relationship of control with the universe. It's reflecting some part of you that is connected to control.

Speaker 2:

And I think giving up control and all aspects of my life is the hardest thing, because I'm in a career that I cannot control.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and even I would have loved to ask Nicole what do you do when you're in a career where every day is rejection? It's like I understand the idea that rejection again could be a mirror and until I accept myself, nobody's going to want to hire me either, because they can see through it Right. So I know that I have to do the work to get the booking to know that I don't have control. It's just yeah. I think the hardest part about being an entrepreneur now and selling my business is not having that beautiful performance aspect that reminds me I'm worthy and so here I am in this small place that feels small, feels quiet, I'm not hustling and I'm really facing everything.

Speaker 2:

So, yeah, I might feel safe, but that doesn't necessarily mean I feel worthy, you know.

Speaker 1:

Hmm, interesting. So for some context, when Katie says Princess Company, we're not talking about some backyard TR thing, we're talking princess parties. She was on social media like a Disney princess all the time selling this top shelf princess experiences. So that's what you're talking about when you say that felt, that felt yeah.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, so I was able to inspire people every day. I could inspire little people, I could inspire big people and I inspired myself. So now that I don't have any of that, it is finding something that makes you feel inspired enough to continue to do this work.

Speaker 1:

Continue this job, something that makes you feel. Inspired.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, yeah, and I think you know having the opportunity to talk to you today. We talk so much about the people you surround yourself with and and again being in this place, of selling my business. I don't, I don't have the people I surrounded myself with anymore, and moving provinces, it's, it's all very much a new chapter, well finishing an old one, you know, and finding the safety within, within that.

Speaker 1:

I wonder how you could find those elements of inspiration in the life now.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, yeah, it's hard. It's hard right, and I think, with this, this openness that I have and this lack of tension in my body, I don't, I don't want to make the wrong choices. I don't want to get out there and and meet people who are, you know, oh shoot, this is a, this is a really bad person. I don't want to spend time with them, but I have to be out there, giving so much of yourself again to circumstances and people that you don't necessarily want to. But like, that's life. That is the construct of society that we have built, and we can be as spiritual as we want and as healed as we want, but we still got to play within these like weird confines that society has built, and if not, it's like well, how do you pay your bills? You know so it's so hard to be a human being and a spiritualist at the same time, but I want to find that middle ground.

Speaker 1:

So you think that money and commerce are separate from spirituality?

Speaker 2:

Commerce, yes. Money, no. I think money can be very spiritual. To a look at Taylor Swift, I'm a Swiftie through and through and I think she's such a high vibrational being that you know, like there are people that use money for good and use their money to better the world, I think I, more so, find difficulty in having to sacrifice my values or my boundaries to go make money in a job that doesn't feel spiritual or feel what's that word I'm looking for? High vibrational. High vibrational, that's it. That's it. I can tell your thinking, tell me all your thoughts.

Speaker 1:

Tell me everything I can go Just like Well, what makes it high vibrational, like, what kind of job are we talking about?

Speaker 2:

I think jobs where you feel, where you don't have to compromise who you are, you know, like. For me, my example would be like I don't have any money right now, so my business, it's high cost of living, blah, blah, blah, blah. So I need to go get a job because we still don't have film and TV. Can't imagine it's going to come back till the new year.

Speaker 2:

So what do I do to survive? Like I got to go work a bartending job. I got to go back to the service industry, but like I feel I didn't sell my business to have to go back to work in it in what feels lower vibrational for a person. Right, I feel like I'm going to have to go work with people who are much younger than me, but again, I also understand that the universe isn't going to put new people in my path or show up for me unless I get the F out of the house and show up for it as well, right? So like I am aware of all of these polarities and I spend my day processing every single one and trying to figure out what the next step is. So, again, it's just listening to yourself and part of me is like really doesn't want to go get a service job.

Speaker 1:

What does your heart say?

Speaker 2:

My heart says oh God. It says don't do it. It says don't do it. But you know, my wallet says do it Right.

Speaker 1:

But you said earlier that the universe, that life isn't happening to you anymore, right? So how does that fit into this?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, it's tough Again. Like I will.

Speaker 1:

you know, I'm going to sit down and process all this stuff for the next four days, four years, because it's like those are all those are the old and new conflicts, right? And I think this is an interesting part of this time is it's like there's an old part of you that remembers being who you were, particularly in the mind, who where all of this stuff was in your body and in your nervous system, and so you remember looking at things the way that you looked at them. But there's this new you that's developing, that's like, has a different, like energetic, vibrational experience and signature, and that will perceive new things in a new way. But the mind doesn't yet have all the evidence for the new way, so it still looks at things the way you used to, and one of the one of the parts in this part of the journey is to allow yourself the space to relook at all of these old things.

Speaker 2:

I love that.

Speaker 1:

Your face right now says everything about it.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, like I, like, I love that.

Speaker 1:

Because the heart doesn't like have tos. That's part of the problem.

Speaker 2:

That's fascinating, because, yeah, okay, I love that. It's like go out and try the things that you used to do, because you will be trying them from a new perspective.

Speaker 1:

Not even like the trying, like before you even go like oof, I'm just, I just have to do this right now.

Speaker 1:

So it's like there's this energy of like.

Speaker 1:

I am this strong, beautiful, independent woman and I have come to this point in my life where I've sold my business and I have this space and I am choosing from a place of elevated maturity and responsibility to go and get this job, even though this isn't where I felt like my life path was going to take me, and I am going to have the best damn experience. I am going to be the best damn bartender. I am going to use every single day to practice being the funnest, most highest frequency, most magnetic version of me and I know I feel this in my body as I show up in that version of me that if I'm out in public, I am going to be a magnet to my people and I trust the universe and I trust myself and I trust that, like me, just being me and being seen in that is going to attract everything I desire and I am choosing that Do you feel that in your body versus the feeling of like I have to go and get a job I don't want to get?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I do, I really do, I do. It's not like. It's not like a wound, you know, yes, and some days it feels so deeply like a wound, but it's really.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

Okay, I love that perspective.

Speaker 1:

And it's not even just like a perspective here. It's like it's like a perspective here. Yes, you know, I think like one of the things that helps with success and expansion is to like it's so funny. I've been thinking about this, but I haven't really put it in words yet, so now I'm being it's like to reduce the pressure floor, and so what I mean by that is it's like painful experiences can become less painful, like this, like, definitely in my business and my journey, I've made huge risks, like I've made huge amounts of money and then turned around and taken every dollar of that money and reinvested it into coaching or into my business and stuff, and so I've been like I've literally put myself in financially stressful positions, and one of the things that's really helped is just like this, almost like lowering of the like.

Speaker 1:

This is stressful for a normal person and this is stressful on paper, but I'm not going to let it. I'm not going to let it be stressful. I'm going to find like that, like that like clear space in my heart, even if on paper there's only like one more month or like 15 days of whatever, but it's from that space, without the pressure, that all of I create all of the good stuff, because what you're talking about, when you talk about like you're talking about the energetic match, when you talk about the people that you desire to connect with and they don't desire with or they don't connect with you because of what you have or what you're doing. They connect with you because of who you are.

Speaker 2:

Totally.

Speaker 1:

So if the being in an experience that you don't like makes you a version of yourself that's more negative, then you're not. Then you're a match for a person that's more negative, whereas if you're in an experience that you maybe don't like, but you're allow that to be a catalyst for you being the best version of yourself, then you're a match for people who are a match for you at the best version of yourself, which is literally how you energetically like, shift, level up. Yeah, because it doesn't actually matter. You can attract the best person. You can attract the best person at the worst moment. That's the freedom is that you don't have to have it in the material, you only have to have it on the inside.

Speaker 2:

Absolutely, absolutely. Yeah, that's what we're working towards, right? That's the goal. So, instead of being afraid of stepping into new chapters, afraid of finding your old self in new chapters, it's like just just lift the chapter, just go.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, yeah yeah. It's a weird polarity to be feeling right.

Speaker 1:

It's really and it's so interesting that we're talking about this as well, because I don't think I realized how much this was a season until I was on the other side of it. It was really a lot of turmoil, a lot of, and I feel like this continues in different levels. At first I feel like there's this physical clearing and then kind of spaciousness is created. Then I think there's this real. You almost go through through the same thing, but with your shadow and with your light. I feel like I was almost my highest and greatest self, and then it was in the same way. There was suddenly this clear space and now all these shadow aspects that were kind of invisible before came to the surface areas where I wasn't taking the level of responsibility that's a match for who I want to be, or there were just things that had been normal to me my whole life. Because of what you're saying to people around me, that I was like this is not great and it's been invisible to me. I've never even seen it. Then it was dealing with all the shame and the guilt and stuff. I feel like it dragged me back down and I was like I got to deal with all of this now. But then there was like kind of like you said at the beginning I can't remember the way you said it, but when you were speaking I got this feeling of an iceberg flipping and it's like that's what it feels like again, like your first and this trauma space in your body level.

Speaker 1:

And then there's like this other, more spiritual, awakening type flip. I find that happens. It's like on this consciousness level where you just become. It's like you become the you that you are. This is what it feels like to me. It feels like before. It's like the past is like generating who you are now. It's like the light from the past. If it was like light. It's like the light comes from the past and shines on who you are now. Then, when this flip happens, it's like the light comes from me. The present me is like generating the timeline in both directions. My past is almost repainted by the light of who I am now and the future is obviously illuminated by the light of who I am now. It's just like everything is different because I, in this moment, I'm the creator of my entire experience, both past and present. It's like a fuck ton of work to get there, yeah.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, yeah, oh my gosh, that's totally it. I mean, yeah, who doesn't want to live that way? Who doesn't want to live with the light shining out of them? I love those silly little interactions that you have with a person on the street Complimenting a person or someone giving you a compliment, and then it turns into a little clumsy. That's what I want. I just feel like so much recently has been like don't look at me, don't talk to me. I mean it could also come from other people. We are so different socially now since the pandemic.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, but.

Speaker 2:

Like you said, we could be the light. I could be the catalyst for change. I can go out there and that's what I love doing. You know, karaoke. Last weekend, singing in front of people. I looked around the room and so many people are enjoying it. And there was a couple people that weren't and I looked at them and I'm like you're not enjoying it because you're threatened, because you're not enjoying it, just enjoy it all. Nobody here is competition. No one's a threat Like let's just love each other.

Speaker 1:

But that's like, oh my God, there's so much in what you just said, because when you talk about that, when you're like I want to be the one to the light shining for me, like that can feel you on the frequency of desire, Like I even just got shivers in my body as I tap into that and like that's the thing, like this is like the piece now. It's like take your awareness there, take your attention there to show your nervous system. This is where we live, this is who I'm going to be. Because it's like and this is where I feel like all of the understanding of like neuroscience and stuff comes into.

Speaker 1:

Because it's like, if you think about neural pathways, like very simply, I always think about them like paths in a jungle. So it's like you have this one path that you've always walked every day of your life and it's like basically like a paved road, and then you have this new path you're trying to go down, but it's just like jungle, and so you've got to take a machete and you've got to like cut down the vines and hack your way. It's like really a lot of work, but the more you keep going down that new path, the less work it becomes each time and more it becomes a path and the old path starts to kind of grow over and so, like when you talk about that other people's energy, I think what it is is that that path for negativity and trauma is so it's so paved and our nervous system remembers it so easily, like some people will talk about, you know, like being addicted to trauma, and that's what they're talking about. They're talking about our bodies physically being familiar with that state, and so that's where it's like, yeah, like the tiniest bump from someone on the shoulder on the street, like who's in a bad mood, it like goes in and it reactivates it because it's like electricity in that old pathway. I think what I want to tell you is just like it will grow over, that will become more and more unfamiliar over time over time, and it's just like you're fricking on the journey, like this is it. You're doing it.

Speaker 2:

And what a gift You're doing it. Thank you, I appreciate your permission from you, whether it's permission from self universe. It's like, perhaps that's what's missing is the permission to step into this new version of myself right?

Speaker 1:

Permission, baby. Yeah, I love it. I love it too. I love that you're sharing, because I think that this is a really special part of your journey and I think a lot of the times we don't hear the stories, when people are like it's like there's like the before and the let me go cocoon and chrysalis, and then there's the after. But I love that you're kind of like in it and you can hear it and everything that you're saying. It's like there's like you're like there's these bright, shining beacons of hope, like there's this, like stone, and there's all the things, and I love it.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, it's crazy. I truly was like I really don't know. I want to come on and talk to you like I am an expert in knowing all things, but like we are chatting at a weird time. Michael and I had four vials of blood drawn this morning, so we're just really really feeling it all today, but no, it's.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, it's a wild experience, but if you were ready for it the general, you, god. It's beautiful. It's beautiful even in the hardest moments. And I'm very, very lucky to have a partner who supports me and was willing to hold me for three hours while I shook out my trauma. And you know friends who are, who are listening when I say, like this doesn't work for me, I have to put up some boundaries around this. Or can we have a chat about how to be better friends to each other, because this form of communication doesn't work. Like I really am having those hard conversations I had to have a hard chat with my mom the other day, you know, and it's a weird place to also be putting up boundaries and saying I'm changing and growing and knowing that that hurts feelings as well.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

The people who are going to stick around and want to grow with you and see the growth obviously are going to stick with you through it. But I have lost a few friends over the past. You know, six months that was really, really difficult, but you know how lucky am I to have people that stay.

Speaker 1:

I mean, you heard Nicole and I's episode. That's the real thing and it's. It's like the it's and it's so funny because I think in our mind we want to go to all the surface things Like I know that was something for me and I don't know if you've experienced this as well. It's like I am the most self aware, I'm the best version, I have the most conflict resolution skills. How am I having friendships that are ending dramatically? But this is where it's like the understanding starts to come in.

Speaker 1:

Of everything is energy and it's the energetic mismatch. So it's like once you shift and you're no longer an energetic match for that relationship, there's like no choice in the material for but for that to manifest and it's so. It's so interesting and even earlier, when you talk about stopping cannabis and stopping drinking, it's like a lot of people go through that as they become more aware of their body, because you just become so more. Call it frequency, call it vibration, call it like your emotional home, whatever you want to call it. It's like you become so much more aware of how you're actually feeling and how how many different things actually impact the way that you're feeling. Right.

Speaker 2:

And how many of those voices ingrained in you are yours.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

I think the thing that kicked off this healing journey in general was really asking myself what I want in every moment, whether it's what I'm going to eat that day or something way bigger, but like, what do I want?

Speaker 2:

And giving others permission to also say what they want. You know, like I've said to my husband, just because I'm saying what I want in this moment doesn't mean you're not allowed to also say exactly what. You don't compromise Because you know you're scared of me, your wife or you know, for any other reason. What do we both want? And then we can find something that works for both of us. Yeah, and that creates a safe environment for us both to find love and happiness in.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, and I mean it's all relational, right. So so it's like yeah, it's, it's, it is. It's so funny this is something I was talking about with someone last night is this there is this beautiful dance of like I'm the experiencer of my life, I'm the one living this life, like I'm in the driver's seat of Michael Edwards. So it's my life and it is my experience, and I think we're so. We're so afraid to claim that. But then as we step more and more into that energy, that self-awareness and which can honestly feel like a bit of selfish and actually be a bit of selfishness at first, which I want to say to people is fine, it's the refinement process of that over time. That's what matters, because for a lot of us, we've, we've so repressed ourselves, right, and so as we bring that back on and go me, I matter. What my experience matters, what I want matters you.

Speaker 1:

You sort of bring this all back online and then you get to refine it Like wait, but I care about people, I care about relationships, I care about impacting the world this way. So it becomes like this maturity of balancing, like I matter and the people I love matter, and and this matters, and and holding it all together instead of kind of I think what we do in the immature which is just like, well, I'm just going to, I'm just going to not care about myself and I'm going to over give to everyone else, or I'm not going to not give to anyone else and I'm only going to care about myself, it's like that's not really like. That doesn't actually work in in in a mature, you're not going to have a good time. You're not going to have a good time. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're not going to have a good time either. Extreme Right yeah, it's like yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2:

And I think, to go back a bit, what you had said about how, when we first started entering this healing era, we try to fix the external, or like the external yeah, the external. I forget how you worded it, but anyway, what I wanted to say to that was like, I think, when I was so deep in my depression and my anxiety and like 30 voices shitting on myself all day, every day, the first thing I had to do was fix my outside.

Speaker 2:

Well, it has to be the way I look. The only reason people are treating me like this is because of the way I look. And then, suddenly, once we had fixed that, I was like, oh my God, that had nothing to do with it at all. You know, people don't treat me this way because of the way I look or because I, you know, I don't fit a size, whatever. You know it had nothing to do with that, but it took me trying to fix that first to realize what really needed to be worked on. And that helped me so much because it opened doors for me to go, oh wow, look at all this. That isn't external, it's all internal that needs to be fixed.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, and I think it's that mind too. Like I often talk about this, it's like you've got a funny. I literally just wrote a post before I got on it. Actually, can I read it to you? Yes, please, I feel like it's so in line with what we're talking about. I cannot look at all the messages that have come up.

Speaker 1:

Okay, magic is real and it's inside of you. It is your emotion, your energy, your frequency. When you realize you have the power to influence these things, you become the creator of your own reality. It starts with mastering the mind, aligning with your heart and opening to your soul. It is not some mysterious faraway thing that is difficult to understand, but rather something inside you that is remembered. The work is in forgetting and healing forgetting who you are conditioned to be and healing the pain that may yet be stored in your body, in making peace, and in making peace with any part inside of yourself that seeks to punish you.

Speaker 1:

When your natural state of being becomes such that your nervous system is calm and you are clear and grounded into the present, all of this becomes available to you.

Speaker 1:

You realize that you are both the musician and the instrument, like strings on a guitar. Each note, each thought, each feeling is potentiality within you waiting to be expressed. And so you begin to create the symphony of your life. As you choose your thoughts, your feelings and where you place your awareness, as you combine these together, just like a chord in music, with multiple notes being played at once, the music of you begins to come alive, a vibration, a frequency and energy that is transmitted and deeply felt and, just as the musician playing from the stage, the sound waves of his instrument bouncing off the walls of the theater, amplified and reflected back, allowing him to experience his own beautiful music, so we experience ourselves, amplified and reflected back, to be the creator of your own reality. You must simply remember that you are the musician, and I want something. I want to make something abundantly clear it is never about being delusional or escaping from life. It is always about making music with what you already have.

Speaker 2:

My, tharys, my, so it's so spot on.

Speaker 1:

Tell me that wasn't like tuning into this conversation, like right before we had it.

Speaker 2:

Like really, and you know what is so crazy? I've had so many things like that come up in the past few months, like the universe, the authority, the God whoever we're going to call it is telling me I'm on the right path with things like this Synchronisities baby.

Speaker 2:

It's the synchronicities. I wrote a show for my cast in Calgary and then I got an audition that was literally my show. I'm like, am I auditioning with my own script? Like they were word for word, almost verbatim scenes. It was wild. And then the same thing. Jordan and I were like we should write a song about Jesus and put it on TikTok and make a lot of money from it. And all of a sudden I got an audition that was literally about these non-Christians writing a Jesus song and putting it on TikTok and making a lot of money for it. And I was like this isn't C. Now I haven't booked any of them. So again, I'm like living in this vibration that I'm going to get out of. But if that isn't the universe, but that's you receiving.

Speaker 1:

That's what a clear nervous system does. It can receive.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, okay.

Speaker 1:

It can receive. So you're receiving right. There was no room to receive before because you were holding all of the past. As you clear everything, it's like you start to receive and receive and receive and then you get better at receiving. You get better at listening like the way Jess talked about it and it's like you learn to really listen to the notes that are being played and the synchronicities will guide you where you need to go.

Speaker 2:

I just got so excited for you. I love that and I can feel the ability to receive Like I think that's the biggest change since this somatic release was it would be yeah. I went and saw a medium a couple of weeks ago and she looked at me and she said oh my spiritual, do you know that? And I was like well, I mean, people tell me that, but I don't feel it. And now I feel it, I do, I do. So it's just putting it into practice and having the permission to do it.

Speaker 1:

Oh my God, so good, so good.

Speaker 2:

Wow, that is crazy. You're a poet.

Speaker 1:

It actually makes me feel better, because sometimes I write things like this and like is this too much? Is anybody going to get this? Then we have a conversation like this. I'm like, no, it's, it's bang on, it's like speaking to the soul of the person that gets it. So I'm actually, I'm really grateful to that you gave me the opportunity to to share that with you.

Speaker 2:

Oh, it's magic, Thank you.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

Wow.

Speaker 1:

So good, so good. What a great conversation. I feel like this is very special.

Speaker 2:

Oh, thanks, friend. I, yeah, I.

Speaker 1:

I would have loved to been able to impart more wisdom, but I'm, I didn't think of it, so I think you did, though, and you know what it's take such courage to be vulnerable and and to share and like to be like. This is what I'm in. Like so many people are trying to perform and be like everything's perfect, and so I think to to actually share, like I've had this beautiful experience in these releases, and like these are the things that I'm now facing. Like someone's going to hear this conversation and it's going to like they're going to be like this was it. It's going to unlock them because they're going to. I needed to hear this piece, I needed to hear this part. I need to have a real conversation about what this actually feels like in the middle, and I just I think I'm so grateful that you shared this with us. I think it's I think it's perfect.

Speaker 2:

I'm so glad. I hope everybody I know I said this already but everybody who's ready for it and wants it gets this kind of release. It is truly, truly otherworldly.

Speaker 1:

Otherworldly, and so I'll ask you where people can find you in a moment. But is there anything else you want to share with us?

Speaker 2:

I don't think so. I think if I can share anything, it's just listen to yourself and if you don't know what that means or you don't know how, find someone like Michael who can help you. That was such a huge catalyst for change in my life was our session together and, like I said, it cleared the path for me to really figure out what was taking the joy out of my life, and so I'm so grateful for you.

Speaker 1:

Oh, back at you. I feel like it was this beautiful collaboration. You know it was such a, it was such a special thing for me too, and that video was so like it was. It was just, it was just huge. It was so real and so authentic. And again, you know, you allowed yourself to be seen and to be so vulnerable in it and you know, it was just for the longest time I didn't have to explain what I did. I just, I was just, let me just show you, like, let's, let me show you what Katie and I did, you know, and yeah, it was fabulous. So where can people find your fabulous self?

Speaker 2:

I'm on Instagram at Katie med CAIT. Why I'm also on Tik Tok. If you want some dirty Disney princess videos, I'm your gal. I think that's Katie Medtree. Either way, you can find me, just to the same name.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, we'll share the links in the show notes as well. You can find find all about Katie down below. So, katie, thank you so much for joining me today.

Speaker 2:

Thanks, michael, thanks for everything. You're helping so many people and I hope, I hope this yeah just continues for both of us in such an incredible upward yeah Motion.

Speaker 1:

Oh, it's going to dance.

Speaker 2:

We'll call it a dance.

Speaker 1:

Amazing. Thank you so much for joining us today. I'm sending you so much love and bye for now.